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Zeno Blanc (Finished)

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1 Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Thu Mar 30, 2017 7:59 pm

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Name: Zeno Blanc

Age: 17

Birthday: may 10

Gender: Male

Race: Fox Faunus

Height: 6' 1"

Weight: 209 lbs

Face Claim: A OC

Stats
STR: 4
DEF: 3
RES: 2
SPT: 3
Aura 130|170 HP

Personality
Major: Academic

Likes: music, weapons, saving people

Dislikes: Grimm, the white fang, bullies

Fears: fire, people close to him dying, not being loved

Talent: Stamina

Weakness: Stealth

Overall Personality:  Zeno is Kindhearted person who will try to help those in need, when he is around girls he becomes flirty, when it comes to school work he is hard-working, he can be blunt when someone is crying over something, he is usually quiet and only saying one word when he meets people for the first time but after a while he starts talking to said person, he is very lazy when he doesn't have a good nights sleep. If he sees someone crying he will try to make them feel better even if he is having a bad day, He is a cheerful faunus who wants to make people happy, When he is on a bad day he becomes a grump and will tell people to leave him alone

Skillful at: Musician
Lacking skills in: Tactician

Abilities
Aura type: speed
Aura Color: very light blue
Semblance: Sprint Buffs SPT(+2) he wraps his aura around the dust he uses and he is capable of amplifying it's effects
Item 1: a Kama nicknamed Sokudo, it is white, black, and red, and it can't transform
Item 2: A blue jacket that acts like chest and back armor, and it buffs DEF(+2)
History and Sample

History:
Zeno Blanc a Fox faunus born in Vale but moved to Bellmuse at the age of 12 with his father, his mother never came back from a mission, and his father decided to move he was given a blue Jacket that was handmade and created by his mother from his father, after moving to Bellmuse Zeno liked it there and his father did as well. Zeno and his father moved because he got fired from his job and because of zenos mothers death, so his father decided to that he and his son should meve to Bellmuse, because he felt that he and his son would have a less depressing life at Bellmuse, and hopes that there aren't that many racists there.

His father got a job as a bartender at a club at Bellmuse. Zeno had an interesting life at Bellmuse, and the reason why it was interesting was because of the people there, the people were both faunuse and humans walking in the street like it is normal for them and most of the humans did't glare at the faunus people but there were a few who did, and unknowing to him he wouldmeet a person who will train him and when he did he bumped into him by accident and the old man saw potential in the young faunus.
Zeno met a old man and the old man was a retired hunter who decided to train him. at the age of 6 the old man died from old age but before he died and when he was 14 the old man told Zeno that his dream of helping others might become true and that he completed his training and told him that he should apply fro Syne academy at the age of 17. After he died Zeno applied and received an acceptance letter from the academy.
RP Sample:
Zeno was sitting on a chair asleep when his fathers voice woke him up "Zeno!" His father yelled, "Yea!" Zeno yelled back, "I'm going to work, be safe okay!" He yelled going towards the door. "I will!" Zeno yelled, "See you later son!" His father yelled walking out the door. Zeno walked out the back door put on some head phones and started listening to music while walking down a street he looked to his left and took off his headphones and put it around his neck and saw the club that his fathers works at, He decided to not go in and walked towards the forest and entered it. He was walking in the forest when he heard a Growl, he turned his head and saw a Beowolf glaring at him, it then charged at him, Zeno then used his semblence, and fought the Grimm, he got hit and flew towards a tree, "ah, crap...that hurt" he said and then charged the Grimm and then killed it



Last edited by TheArc on Sun Apr 02, 2017 2:02 pm; edited 12 times in total

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2 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sat Apr 01, 2017 12:55 pm

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Hey welcome to the site, this is a good app but there are a few problems. First is that you are only supposed to have 12 stat points, you have 14 in your current total stats. You also have exceeded the 300 combined total max hp/aura split. In regards to your semblance you wouldn't have the negative and also you do need to explain how you buff your dust usage, be it wrapping your aura around the dust to amplify it or something else.

You have also not met the required wordcounts for your rp sample or history and you cannot have negatives attached to your equipment. It would only increase your physical defense based on your rank. Bump when done.


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3 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:40 am

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I believe I've finished, so bump.

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4 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 8:13 am

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Almost ^^ Your initial hp/aura split must be a factor of ten, ending in a zero, not one of five. I've just noticed this, but do bare in mind Syne is a college or university type establishment so really the minimum age of entry is 17 for a human or faunus. Also, in your semblance, wouldn't you be wrapping your aura around the dust rather than the other way around? Also, just to note in your rp sample, you wouldn't be able to heal yourself like this in an actual thread. You'd require a healing semblance for that.

Anyway, bump when done ^^


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5 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:13 am

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I believe it is finally finished. If not what else do I need to fix

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6 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:32 am

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You removed the explanation you needed for the semblance, you just had two words backwards. You didn't need to delete it all o.o also you're ten less than the required 300 hp/aura total. Bump when done


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7 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:17 am

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Let me know if I need anything else to change, if not then I'm finished.

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8 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:18 pm

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Alright, now it seems as if you've got two semblances? One that you've explained in your aura colour and one which you've explained in your semblance. If you do want the spt buff just put the likes of "By wrapping his aura around the dust he uses he is capable of amplifying it's effects." in the semblance part rather than the aura color part. Replacing the speed thing. If not then you need to get rid of it, and bare in mind a simple speed increase semblance (While allowing you to rush in a direction to get there faster) you will still be visable, as fast as you are moving


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9 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:51 pm

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I this okay?

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10 Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) on Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:03 pm

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Yep ^^ Approved


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