You are not connected. Please login or register

Loghan Bloodfall (Needs Approval)( corrected again )

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Enrollment Form

Basic info
Name:Loghan Bloodfall
Birthday:16 may
Face Claim: Tatsumi oga from beelzebub

Aura 150|150 HP

Major:combat major , student
Likes: work on cars,video games,books
Dislikes: Grimm, Racism against faunus, racism against human
Fears: Deathstalker, lose the control of himself, be surounded by people
Talent:  Vehicle Mastery
Weakness Computer Wizard
Overall Personality: Loghan is someone cold and calculating, through his travels he has learned to be wary of people, grimm are not the only remnant monster. He does not like talking to people whether they are human or faunus Had a hard time because of the two races he prefers to be alone more than anything else. Most of the time he works on his car when he does not track anyone. Inconsiament he seeks the person who could change it. He keeps a child's part of himself that he hardly ever shows. He has a strong notation of justice and he prefers to act rather than rested his arms crossed, leaving killed the criminal If need be. His childish side tells him to go to a hunter academy, he dreams of a better life then he will try his luck despite the risks.

Aura type: Power
Aura Color: Smoky Black
Semblance: Wolf skin : The loghan's semblance allows him to turn the damage received in additional strength by 2 point but more loghan takes damage more risk he is transformed. If loghan takes more damage is seeming allows him to become a wolf of human size but if He becomes really angry, he loses his humanity and becomes monster and no longer feels anything even killing does not bother him any more, the only way he becomes himself again is that his aura arrives at zero so he will become himself again put will no longer be protected by the aura.
Item 1: Black Sword named Rise of the wolf made of steel, titanium and chrome its a simple and really strong weapon
Item 2:Blessing of the Full Moon:The trench coat of loghan is armored against physical attacks.

History and Sample
Loghan is a human born of faunous parents. The parents of loghan were part of the white fang when they were still pacifists, they raised him to become a person who respects all forms of life until his ten years. When the white fang became a terorrist organization the leader Adam Taurus decided that all human beings are bad even those who are born of a union between two faunuses because for him all human was going to become horrendous racists and assasin of faunus without Defence then when a human born of parents faunus made known to his group he decided to send the relatives of loghan in a false mission of rescue to the other end of Remnant. Qund his parents were part loghan was alone but lady had decided otherwise, he took loghan and abandoned her in the midst of a grimm infested forest. Loghan stayed in the forest for five days but after four he nearly died but his aura was unlocked as well as his appearance turning him into a wolf and killing all the grimm. On the fifth day he left the forest at the beginning he Spent months looking for his parents without any real success so he decided in is desep as traveled around remnant becoming a bounty hunter, he saw so many horrors on remnant that he became as cold as the snowy mountains of Atlas his eyes lost all their lights no longer showing that someone who was broken by the horrors that it is by the faunus or the human ones, in the end he knows that there is no difference between them on This point; But when he saw the recruitment of a school of hunter he thought he could finally become someone better and who knows how to find the innocence that was stolen to him even to find his family with luck put there Will know that when he gets there ....
RP Sample:
Loghan finds himself in front of a man with several bruises and bleeding, there are in the dark night a dark alley of a Mistralian city, only the moon gives a tiny source of light. She brushes the ebony black hair of loghan, the silver reflection of the moon in the brown eyes, cold and tern are the only visible light, it is said that the eyes are windows on the soul, so these windows are covered Of soot because nothing was seen.
"Please pity me I swear never again I swear on my life!" The man weeps and sucks his whole voice.
"You have pity this woman faunus when you hit her and tried to rape her, I am far from you idiot you know I know how human treats the faunus but for me she is just a woman to whom you tried to To do evil then no I would have no pity for a scrap like you "Loghan answered with a monotone voice without hatred or contempt.
"Have a pi ... GLARGH !!" The man could not finish this phrase that Loghan cut his throat with his sword.
"One more contract finished two or three more and I could headed to the academy ..." a little laugh passed the lips of loghan. "Well that's the only academy that would take someone like me."
Loghan walks deeper into the dark alley one thinks only the next contracts as from these eight last year.

Last edited by Déléos on Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:14 pm; edited 5 times in total

View user profile
Yo yo, I'll be grading your app

So there's a few things you'll need to change in order to be approved

-First, you have too much points spread across HP and aura, it's a total of 300 and you're currently at 360

-Next, bounty hunter isn't a major, the one that it would be closer would be the combat major

-You can only have one talent and one weakness, not 3 of each

-Your personality is too short, you need 100 words minimum, you're 20 short

-Your semblance is confusing, but I think I get the gist of it but if you could reword it a bit it would be nice (P.S., "degat" would be "damage"), you can also drop the "aura drains faster when transformed". Also make sure to say clearly it's a STR buff

-You can't start with two weapons, you'll have to pick one of them

-You're history is short on words too, minimum 300, you're at 257

If you need any help you can pm me if it makes it easier ^^


"Memories should be the only things to preserve in our lives, because in the end, they're the last things we can hold on to."

"If anything goes wrong, I blame Oli..."
View user profile
Alright, a few more things and you'll be good to go

-Your semblance is clearer, just note that the "turns damage into strength" will only be for flair and you won't go beyond the +2 STR that the buff gives, just keep that in mind, also I know it's nitpicky but note somewhere on the semblance line that it's a STR Buff so everyone can know at a glance

-You need two items, so give yourself one of the two types of armor (physical or dust resistant) as they are not easy to get later on, nor is dust if you'd rather have that.


"Memories should be the only things to preserve in our lives, because in the end, they're the last things we can hold on to."

"If anything goes wrong, I blame Oli..."
View user profile
Some more changes need to be done, but you're close ^^

-No need for a build-up in the stat buff, you can get +2 from the get-go without having to fully transform into a giant wolf

-Your armor is too complicated, we do simple here, if it's a physical armor, any kind of bullets of melee attack is reduced, if it's dust resistant then all matter of dust attack is reduced. No need for "can't resist sword, etc"


"Memories should be the only things to preserve in our lives, because in the end, they're the last things we can hold on to."

"If anything goes wrong, I blame Oli..."
View user profile
that will be good now i guess

View user profile
Yep, all good, Approved ^^


"Memories should be the only things to preserve in our lives, because in the end, they're the last things we can hold on to."

"If anything goes wrong, I blame Oli..."
View user profile

Sponsored content

View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum