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outlash my first oc w.i.p

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1 outlash my first oc w.i.p on Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:50 am

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Basic info
Name: Outlash hashrama togoyami
Age: 19
Birthday: (November 14
Gender: male
Race: Human
Weight:130 lbs
[b]Face Claim:None he is my oc


150|150 HP

Personalityvery antisocial, loves to keep to him self, almost always depressed, hard to talk too, a very hard worker who never quits anything he dose, will guard his teammates to the end, caring always prioritizes safety over victory. He is also a very caring and kind person, is very good with coming up with plans of actions, looks around before acting and never dose any thing that might put his team in danger, a team player. He is a well rounded melee fighter who can be on the offence or defense. he will always help to the best of his ability

Dislikes: (3+)
being late
Fears: (3+)
Weakness Weapon smithing
Overall Personality:Social Interaction/Speech/Charisma

Aura type: Power
Aura Color: Black
Semblance: armory a utility semblance what it dose is draws weapons from my armory and brings them to me and I can also put them back but I have to know exactly were they are for this to work.
Item 1: muramasa a old, red katana that has mystical skills depending on the user skills.
(all take 20 aura to use unless said otherwise will add more as he advances) Some of them are energy wave, blade dash, space spliter (50),and red dance
Item 2:armor his normal clothes( black hoodie and black wind pants

History and Sample
300+ Words please.
RP Sample:
150+ words

Last edited by jon on Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:15 am; edited 7 times in total

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2 Re: outlash my first oc w.i.p on Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:31 pm

Richard Lionheart
Welcome to the site ^^ There are a number of issues with this app unfortunately, but that's the case with a lot of first applications don't worry ^^

First and foremost; use the actual template. Don't add things to it, you've decided to take 4 items when you're only able to take two and some of them have further issues; a sword and shield aren't one item, you need to describe all that "Normal clothes" entails and the aura stuff accompanying a weapon would need to all be tied into your semblance.

Additional issues that are easy to fix are; you only have 12 stat points, not 13; you don't add the extra point from aura into this pool and you only have 300 points to split across hp and aura, not 340. Bump when you've fixed this and are using the full template found in the "code" box here ^^

"Call me short and your life'll get a whole lot shorter."
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3 okay on Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:42 am

Thank you and the reason for more weapons is his semblance armory witch lets me change weapons and clothes around

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4 Re: outlash my first oc w.i.p on Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:48 am

Richard Lionheart
You've still not used the template bud ^^ll you've got no rp sample and no history, additionally your fc has to be a character or image; not just a description and "Master Huntsman" isn't a major? The Majors are Combat, Academic, Dust, Medical, Undecided, Citizen, Tech and Professor. Additionally, to get onto that semblance now, describing something as "Like X from x show" isn't good enough I'm afraid, you need to state the specifics of how it works and what can be done with it ^^ Bump when done

"Call me short and your life'll get a whole lot shorter."
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